


The terrible truth

by ChopinWorshipper



Series: My beloved nemesis - My significant bother [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Asmodeus Being an Asshole, Asmodeus is disabled, Asmodeus reveals zir original identity, Asmodeus was Archangel Yehudiel before falling, Body Horror, Changing Pronouns for Asmodeus, Flashbacks, Gen, Genderfluid Asmodeus, God altered His angels' memories, Hate/Love/Hate, He/Him Pronouns for Raphael, I'm Going to Hell, Raphael needs a hug, Retrograde Amnesia, The Author Regrets Nothing, Ze/Zir Pronouns for Asmodeus, this is TOTALLY not a spat between exes!, yes i mean this ironically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:06:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChopinWorshipper/pseuds/ChopinWorshipper
Summary: Archangel Raphael is sick of the secrecy and confronts Asmodeus about it. Asmodeus is reluctant, but finally agrees to finally tell zir nemesis the truth. Raphael regrets everything, Asmodeus feels vindictive, the two talk things out and resolve an age old conflict, albeit without really forgiving each other.(They're still enemies, though)
Relationships: Past Raphael/Asmodeus, Raphael/Yehudiel
Series: My beloved nemesis - My significant bother [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2148942
Kudos: 1





	The terrible truth

Raphael was having lunch in a fish restaurant in London, but his mind was preoccupied.

He had spent the night in the United States running the night pharmacy he had there and at some point a poor lady had come to him to get her prescription, a month's supply of insulin. He had been appalled, when she had put seven hundred (obviously barely scraped together) dollars onto his counter.

“Madam”, he had asked her gently, “Why would I charge 700$ for a month's supply of insulin?”¹

After a little dispute he had given her the month's supply of insulin for free and she had left in tears, thanking him profusely.

The Archangel had considered healing her T1DM completely, but this was a major miracle, one that required permission from God.

Which he wouldn't get anytime soon.

Just last month he had been confronted by Azrael for saving a dozen children from their fated deaths by terminal illnesses. The Angel of Death was patient and benevolent, but there was only so much interference with mortal lifespans she could and would tolerate. She had controlled her fury, but her glare had been so intense, that for a few seconds Raphael had thought she would decapitate him with her scythe (he wouldn't have been the first Angel to be destroyed by Azrael).

In the end God Himself had intervened, before it could escalate, but had warned him not to interfere with humans' fated life span anymore.

The Archangel of Healing had yielded, albeit not without grinding his teeth. He had no right to judge and be bitter about the Will of God. Still it hurt his heart and the fact that in Heaven they would be beyond all pain and sorrow couldn't comfort him – not if months or even _years_ of suffering were the price.

Upon seeing Raphael's unwillingness, the Lord had banished him to Earth for several decades.

He'd have to find a way to do something against the medication prices in the US, though. Seven hundred dollars for insulin, really! And one shouldn't even get him started on the lack of basic healthcare around there! In his opinion, the population of the US should rebel against this unbridled capitalism … oh no, he was thinking like one of the Fallen! Ah, surely God would forgive his righteous indignation. Mammon more than deserved to get their arse kicked.

Suddenly a strange voice addressed him: “Excuse me? Mind if I sit here?”

“No, not at …”

He looked up.

“… Actually, yes, I do.”

Asmodeus laughed: “Hello to you too, my dear enemy! I see, you're as charming as ever! Still, the seat next to yours is the only free one in the entire restaurant. Don't you think that it's rather impolite to just leave a lady with a walking cane standing? Instead of, you know, clearing the empty seat?”

“Uhh …”

“Unless, of course, you're waiting for someone …”

“No, no, you're right! That was inconsiderate of me, I'm sorry.” He removed his backpack to make room for the other.

At least today the Prince wasn't looking like a prostitute; ze was wearing a black suit and blouse and – shock! – black low shoes, instead of the usual high heels.

As ze sat, Raphael noticed that ze was minding zir left leg.

Asmodeus had crashed into Hell leg first, leaving zir with a permanent limp. The demon saw it as a weakness and attempted to hide or at least play it down. And ze had gotten good at it; good enough that on most days zir limp was imperceptible to humans. But sometimes the bad leg just hurt _too_ much, forcing zir to give into reason and use a walking aid.

The Archangel couldn't help but wonder, why ze bothered to try and cover it up at all.

“Do you want me to help you with that?”

“I'm fine.” Ze clearly wasn't.

“Asmodeus, you don't have to put up with this pain. Have you at least taken painkillers or something?”

“If I take any more, I'll discorporate from drug abuse. I must have built up an immunity. Which I cannot claim for … _this_.”

Ze screwed up zir face in disgust over the Archangel's lunch: grilled catfish² with salad.

“Just how can you eat this stuff, Raphael?”

“It's simple, you open your mouth, put it in, chew and swallow”, the Archangel deadpanned. But at the Archdemon's unamused expression, he chuckled and apologised.

Ze accepted the apology, albeit zir grip on the handle of zir cane tightened.

Raphael changed the subject: “So, how've you been?”

“Seen better days.”

That was a strange sentence coming from Asmodeus. Strange enough for the Archangel to look closer and notice …

“You're tired.”

The Prince of Lust blinked.

But then ze laughed: “Well, what can I say? Things have been exhausting lately. But let's talk about _you_! I heard about your little lovers' spat with the Angel of Death. What could you possibly have done to aggravate one of the most patient creatures in all of God's Creation?”

Raphael ground his teeth. “That's none of your business. And Azrael is _not_ my lover! I haven't had one since Yehudiel disappeared.”

“You're _still_ not over Yehudiel?! Then again, you do still carry her locket around. That already says everything.”

“Don't mock me.”

“I'm not. But don't you think it's time to move on? I knew Yehudiel, she wouldn't have wanted for you to keep pining after her for thousands of years.”

His brown eyes grew hard. “I don't see, why I should take relationship advice from someone, who changes zir sex partners like zir shirts!”

“Well, suit yourself, but _I_ don't have sex, because I need closure from something. I do it, because it's fun and I like it and because tempting people to lust is my bread and butter. Besides, are my wife Lilith and Beelzebub not as permanent as I can get?”

Raphael scowled, but said nothing and just refocussed on his lunch.

The Archdemon looked like ze wanted to puke, as ze watched the brunet finish his fish.

“Gross”, ze muttered.

“Not for me”, he chuckled and gulped down his last bite of fish. “Don't be so fussy. This is a _fish_ _restaurant_ , you should have considered that, before you came in! Why did you anyway? You hate fish almost as much as you hate water!”

“I just noticed you sitting in a corner and wanted to have a little chat with my beloved nemesis”, Asmodeus pouted. “Not my fault that the stench of burned fish is so nauseating!”

Ze seemed to be genuinely offended, so he decided to take pity.

“Do you want the rest of my salad? I promise, there is no fish fat on it.”

The Archdemon seemed suspicious, but nodded after a moment.

As he pushed his plate over to zir, a waiter came over. Asmodeus smiled amiably and ordered a glass of white wine.

Raphael couldn't help but be agitated, when he noticed the leers people threw at zir.

Asmodeus on the other hand sipped zir wine as coolly as you pleased, like ze wasn't being stared at by half of the restaurant.

It was always like this – whenever Raphael and the Archdemon were hanging out, people would flock around the latter. Especially, when Asmodeus was wearing zir glamour (like ze was now), which took the traits a person found most desirable, combined them and gave zir the according appearance. Of course the fact, that zir aura of lust was spreading all around, wasn't helping.

Raphael hated it.

Yes, he knew that this was mostly Asmodeus' aura of desire at work, and yes, he hated zir – sometimes irrationally so, he knew – but still, that didn't excuse a lack of basic decency! Not to mention that daring to tango with the Prince of Lust was complete and absolute madness. Ze was just way too far out of their league.

“Hey, when you've finished your wine and my leftovers, can we go somewhere more private? The way everyone's ogling you is getting on my nerves.”

The demon snickered: “Oh my! Does the prospect bother you, that someone else might get my attention? Why, my dearly detested, if I didn't know better, I'd think you're jealous!”

“That would require that I'm actually attracted to you and if you think that this is the case, you're even more conceited than I thought.”

And Asmodeus was one of the most conceited people he knew.

Ze grinned: “Oh, but you are, aren't you? You enjoy my company more than you let on. Don't deny it, little Archangel. You love having someone you can vent to, when you get tired of Heaven's bullshit. You're fascinated by me. I can _feel_ it. Something about me draws you in, that's why you put up with my teasing.”

“Okay, firstly: no. Secondly: you really are a narcissistic prick.”

Asmodeus giggled and finished the salad.

Raphael paid for the both of them (because that was the angelic thing to do) and they left the restaurant.

.

Asmodeus' cocky attitude quickly subsided, as they walked on and Raphael could tell, that the cause was zir agony.

A park was nearby, so he lead the Archdemon to a remote bench, where ze could sit and rest.

“Fuck!”, ze hissed in pain, as ze clutched zir leg. “This is _your_ fault, you little hypocrite! Had you not thrown me into Hell so hard, my leg would have healed! I used to be the best runner among the Seraphim and now look at what you did to me!”

“Alright, alright! I get it, I'm guilty and you expect me to make it up to you!”, he spat. “Now stop nagging and let me see it!”

With a warning growl and some effort the demon rolled up a trouser leg and stretched zir bad limb over his lap.

Raphael fixed all that he could with his powers.

He knew he shouldn't be doing this for a demon, but his inner healer couldn't stand seeing someone in so much pain, no matter how much he despised them. Needing a walking cane didn't always diminish life quality, but being in constant pain certainly did.

When he was done, the demon carefully moved the limb and found it didn't hurt anymore.

“Much better. Thank you”, ze said politely and removed it from his lap.

“You're welcome.”

“It's not the only thing you have to make up to me, though.”

Raphael knew what ze meant. And promptly remembered the questions he had.

“Since you're bringing it up, your sickbed visit two months ago has left me with a whole lot of questions.”

“Like what?”

“You know what happened to Yehudiel _and_ that we were engaged, even though God was our only witness. Explain.”

.

He still didn't get it?! Come on! The answer was so obvious, how did he not-?!

_Okay, Asmodeus. Be cool. No point in flipping your shit._

“And you shall have it, my beloved nemesis. However, this shouldn't be discussed in public.”

Raphael nodded. “Of course, you're right. But worry not, I know the perfect place.”

Before Asmodeus could ask, where that “perfect place” was, Raphael had already teleported both of them far away from London.

Suddenly it was extremely hot, bright and arid, almost like in the sixth Circle of Hell. Asmodeus needed a few minutes, before zir eyes grew accustomed to the brightness. Then ze looked around and recognised …

“The _Dasht-e Lut³_? Are you serious, Raphael?!”

He shrugged. “Why not? It's remote, way too hot for anyone to come out here – especially at this time of day – and no one would hear or see us, even if we took our real forms! Besides, you live in Hell, aren't you used to it?”

“Yes, but you could have warned me about the sudden temperature change and the brightness!”

“Your mood swings cause temperature changes in your Circle every five minutes! But that doesn't matter now. The answers, please.”

“I'm astonished, that you haven't figured it out by yourself yet. Aren't you supposed to be smarter than tha-”

“ASMODEUS!!!”

“Geez, fine! Calm down! But first, answer _my_ question: do you know, what I really look like?”

Raphael tilted his head in visible confusion. “Uh, yes? Three different heads, floating hair, an amalgam of many different creatures in one person, a whole lot of wings-”

The Prince of Hell chortled and shook zir head: “Not my Demon of Wrath⁴ form, you silly little Archangel. My _original_ one. My Fallen Angel form.”

“… Oh. Then I guess the answer is no. But I would love to find out.”

“Oh, you'll regret having said that.”

His eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”

“You'll see, my dearly detested. But maybe you want to step back and assume your own true form, instead of staying in that puny human disguise.”

Raphael scowled, but obliged. A few seconds later, he was hovering before zir as the Archangel he was; a huge, vaguely humanoid shape (though foolish humans might have called it monstrous or hideous) of green light, covered in eyeballs, with six wings, one giant pair on the back, a smaller one on the legs and a small top pair emerging from the halo. Raphael's wings and angelic eyes were mint green and his spindly legs ended in tendrils, which extended all over the ground.

The Archangel's now unsuppressed energy promptly caused the salt desert to turn into a forest and the air was filled with the etheric scent of medicinal herbs like sage and mint. Lush trees hanging low with fruits shot forth from the earth, previously extinct plants appeared and Asmodeus was pretty sure, that that huge mountain in the background hadn't been there before.

The sheer divine power of the Archangel hung in the air, warping and enlivening the environment around them even further.

It made Asmodeus choke, made zir shudder and nearly forced zir onto zir knees.

And this was still just a fracture of Raphael's real, incomprehensible power.

“Your turn”, Raphael spoke in a million whispers (a far cry from the mighty voices of Michael and Gabriel).

The Archdemon nodded and took zir fallen Seraph form.

Ze grew to colossal size, the golden hair turned purple, black wings with a pinkish hue were spread, a gazillion eyes popped up all over zir and a fractured black halo appeared. Zir skin became transparent like glass, revealing the pale blue Hellfire underneath. It was only outshone by the fiery serpentine dragon curling around zir winged body.⁵ The scent of dark chocolate, pomegranates and burned flowers mixed with Raphael's herbal smell.

Now that zir own true form was released, the urge to kneel in front of the Archangel thankfully disappeared and zir own aura and immense power emanated from zir. Ze watched the Archangel shudder and tense up, guarding himself against the wicked energy – which just had killed all life within reach, because Asmodeus was that destructive.

But what really captured zir attention was Raphael's reaction.

.

Raphael's senses just got to registering the image before him, before his mind was assaulted by countless flashes. Each and every gap in his memory was filled within the split of a nanosecond. The sudden flashbacks almost overwhelmed him to the point of passing out.

He stared back at the Fallen One, who was watching him expectantly, and wildly shook his head.

This couldn't be, this just _couldn't_ be! There was no way Asmodeus – temperamental, cruel and lustful Asmodeus, his arch enemy, one of the most vicious demons of Hell! – could possibly be …

.

“ _Slacking off, are we?”_

_Raphael squeaked in shock and whirled around._

_Standing next to a pillar was a particularly tall Seraph (a_ Seraph _!), folding their arms and frowning in disapproval. They were tall and elegant, had wavy mallow hair, sharp turquoise eyes, a lovely face and six massive golden wings with a pink sheen._

_A hundred emotions coursed through him in that moment: surprise, that one of the most high-ranking Seraphim was deigning to talk to him of all Angels, marvel at their indescribable beauty, awkwardness at having been caught dreaming …_

“ _N-no, no!”, he hurried to assure them, “I-I'm not slacking! I-I just couldn't help but – the Earth is so entrancing and – I was admiring Father's Creation!”_

_The other Angel's expression mellowed out. “I see. It's really pretty, isn't it? By the way, my name is Yehudiel. I'm the Seraph Archangel of Work, Duty and the North Star.⁶ And who are you?”_

_._

“No!”, Raphael choked. “This can't be!”

“Look, I don't know why you're so shocked! I dropped hints everywhere! Heavens, I couldn't have been more obvious, unless I had screamed it outright into your face.”

“You – you-”

Asmodeus sneered: “Oh, you should see your face right now! It's _delicious_. The truth hurts, doesn't it? Does it hurt to see your former fiancée in front of you and know, that it isn't really _her_ anymore? Does it hurt to learn, that the Angel you once wanted to marry is now your worst enemy? That the one you loved has turned into a _monster_? That _you_ were the one, who made me this way, because you fought me and damned me in the Name of God? How does that feel, Raphael?”

He wanted to deny it.

He wanted to convince himself, that Asmodeus was just playing a cruel trick on him.

Alas, the Prince of Hell clearly wasn't lying.

Even with the crippled, slightly deformed leg, the Hellfire and the now dark purple hair … there was no doubt.

.

_She was the fourth Angel ever created._

_Her duty was to assign and delegate every Angel's task and make sure, that no one neglected their duties. She didn't tolerate slackers – hence the three-thonged whip hanging from her girdle. Yet she was also kind, outgoing and merry._

_Yehudiel was enraptured by his singing and sometimes, when she came to see him after her own work, he would sing and play the harp for her. Sometimes she would fall asleep on his shoulder._

_It was strange, really._

_Raphael was a Virtue, but not one, who stood out; he was small for his kind, demure and rather plain. What someone as witty, charming and beautiful as Yehudiel could possibly see in him, he didn't know. She was gorgeous, a jewel to the Heavens. In comparison to her, he paled._

_And yet this Seraph, one of the most powerful Angels ever made, seemed to have a soft spot for him._

_But that wasn't the only thing._

_The Virtue had quickly found, that they had a lot in common._

_Both of them were passionate and devoted to their work, loved their siblings dearly and were fond of science, albeit different areas. Yehudiel loved the stars and her knowledge of astronomy was nigh infinite. He was into biology and medicine – that was his purpose after all – and to his delight, she seemed genuinely interested in his craft, called it beautiful and useful._

_One time she had told him, that she found him really cute and that she really liked him and it had felt like he was seeing the Face of God._

_He didn't have the faintest clue, what he could have done to attract (and keep) her attention._

_But he thanked his Creator anyway._

_Raphael smiled and wrapped his mint green wings around his sleeping companion._

_He really had it bad._

_._

Asmodeus did totally _not_ yelp in surprise, when the other tackled and pinned zir to the ground, kissed the shit out of zir, clasped zir tightly and started to wail, like he was cradling a corpse.

What. The. Fuck?!

This was _bizarre_.

Of course ze knew, why he was doing this, but that didn't make it any less surreal!

In zir entire demonic existence, ze had never witnessed the Archangel do anything remotely like this. Raphael was emotional and gentle and would give hugs and a hand to hold, if it was required, but he wasn't actually the touchy-feely kind of person.

And now he was sobbing into zir purple hair, staining it red with tears. _Bloody_ tears! Washing those out would take _ages_!

“You _bastard_!”, Raphael sobbed. “You unbelievable – _Six! Thousand! Fucking! Years_! That's how long I – and now you finally deign to tell me the truth?!”

Asmodeus scowled: “Do I have to remind you of all the fun things you did to me? Shackling me to the bottom of the Red Sea for almost a millennium? Letting me be free for about a decade, before that arsehole Solomon tried to imprison and enslave me to build his temple?! _Why_ would I tell you the truth? Who I was, that's my business and mine alone!”

“You know that's not true! You and I, we used to be engaged – _engaged_ , Asmodeus! Is that not enough to make it my business too?!”, the Archangel snapped, before going back to soaking the demon's hair in blood.

“Stop crying!”, Asmodeus spat back. “I refuse to put up with a bawling, snivelling mess! You silly little Archangel, do you have no pride?!”

Raphael finally stopped bawling into zir hair and cupped zir face to look zir directly in the eyes.

The look in his eyes was terrifying, but the Archdemon couldn't have been any less impressed.

“As a matter of fact, no!”, he snarled, “Because I'm not an arrogant, hubristic arsehole like you! And you used to be so sympathetic and kind!”

.

_Yehudiel's work day was over now and she was considering, if she wanted to spend the night with Raphael or with her siblings._

_Hêlêl and Ramiel had insisted, that they would visit Hêlêl's twin Arsu⁷ in her de-facto prison at the edge of Heaven. But Yehudiel didn't really feel like having her evening ruined by the silent Angel's melancholy._

_So Raphael it was._

_But when she landed in front of the gate to Raphael's garden, she didn't hear the usual singing. That was odd._

“ _Raphael? Are you there?”_

_No response._

_Yehudiel grew worried and just entered. She had to search for a while. But then she heard a sound, which chilled her to the core and she hastened her step. Eventually she found him sitting by his pond, tending to his plants … and crying each and every one of his eyes out._

“ _Raphael?”, she addressed him gingerly, “Honey? Can you open your wings for me?”_

_He sniffled, but obliged._

_When she saw his anguished expression, her heart broke completely._

“ _Oh sweetie”, she murmured sadly, hugged him tightly and enveloped him in her Seraph wings._

_To her surprise, he squirmed. Was she doing something wrong?_

“ _Please …”, he sobbed. “Please don't … I …”_

“ _Shhhh”, she cooed. She didn't understand, what was going on. But he was in a vulnerable state and she would_ not _just leave him to hurt all by himself. No way._

“ _It's okay”, she cooed to her sweetheart and gently rubbed his back. “I'm there for you. Let it all out. I'm here.”_

_After a while, his heart-wrenching sobs turned to little whimpers and finally ceased completely._

“ _Feeling better?”, Yehudiel inquired._

_Raphael bit his lip, but nodded weakly._

“ _Good. Now, sweetheart-”_

“ _Please don't call me that!”, he begged. “Please don't talk to me like you're not hopelessly out of my league!”_

_What? What in all of Creation did he mean, like she was hopelessly out of his …_

_Oh._

Oh.

“ _Raphael …”_

“ _Just leave me be!”_

_She huffed (he could be such a dummy sometimes!), cupped the younger Angel's face and then … gave the most awkward first kiss as to date: Raphael squeaked, their noses bumped together and when she finally managed to get it right, she could taste his bloody tears. His lips quivered against hers, but after a while he hesitantly reciprocated her kiss._

_When they broke apart, she gave him a stern look. “Listen to me, Raphael. Do you think I would spend time with you, if I thought you were inferior to me? You're not – you're really not! You don't even know how special you are, do you? You're so special I want to date you. Who cares, if you're a Virtue and I'm a Seraph! I know in my heart, you'll be one of the Greater Archangels one day, just like my three older siblings and me! What I'm trying to say is, I'm heads over heels in love with you. I wouldn't want anyone else by my side and I think we should get married!”_

_He gawked, blushed and sputtered and she giggled, because he was just such a silly little Angel and it was so cute._

“ _So, Raphael”, she continued softly and took his hands. “I know, that this is kind of sudden and not the best timing, that we haven't known each other for that long and we have a rank discrepancy, but Dad doesn't seem to mind us being together, so … will you marry me?”_

.

It had been the happiest of his life and he had accepted her proposal, because obviously.

It was ironic – and tragic – that they now were nemesi, who spent half of the time thirsting for a duel, four tenths teasing the hell out of each other and _one_ tenth on civil interactions.

It also was kinda stupid. And morbidly hilarious.

“What's so funny?”, Asmodeus wanted to know, when he chortled.

“Nothing”, Raphael snickered, “It's just that we're a prime example for that dumb lovers-to-enemies trope!”

The Archdemon burst out laughing: “By Lucifer's balls, you're right! This is so fucking cliché!”

Then ze placed a burning hand over his heart and breathed into the crook of his neck: “I could destroy you right now.”

“But you won't.”

“You're right. I won't. Not today at least. Now let go of me, Archangel. This is getting dull and we should cut it, before the shmaltz police arrives.”

Raphael saw zir point and complied.

Asmodeus stood up and regarded zir now blood-stained purple hair with a sour expression, obviously wondering, if ze would ever get the bloody tears out of it.

He shook his head, chuckling: “You're so fussy about your appearance.”

“I'm the Prince of Lust, you silly little Archangel! It's essential, that I always look my best!”

With a snap of his fingers the stains in the Archdemon's hair were gone, which seemed to mollify the older being significantly.

Raphael laughed: “You know, now that I know who you a- used to be”, he corrected himself, when the Prince of Hell frowned, “Those nicknames have a completely different ring to them.”

The Prince lifted a brow in amusement. “Oh? What did it sound like until now?”

“Something between maniacal antagonist and obsessive sociopath.”

“Well, I _am_ both!”, Asmodeus cackled.

“Why though?”

The cackling stopped abruptly.

“Why did you choose this?”, Raphael questioned softly. “You loved me. I know you did. So how could you put your pride first so easily?”

“My freedom”, Asmodeus corrected.

“Your _pride_ ”, Raphael insisted. “There is no way you just got cold feet and realised, that you preferred being single – I know you better than that. _You_ were the one, who proposed me marriage. Only to break my heart, when you chose to follow your older brother, instead of making good on your promise to spend the rest of eternity with me. Do you think having to fight and send you to Hell was fun for me? Well, it wasn't! Besides, your love for freedom didn't stop you from marrying Lilith, so don't give me that rubbish! If you now tell me, that you just wanted to be free, I will laugh at you.”

“That's not the kind of freedom I mean, you-! Ugh, I give up. You wouldn't understand.”

“Try me!”, Raphael challenged.

Ze scowled: “Alright, fine! Do you have the faintest idea what being a Seraph was like? Dancing around Our Creator day and night, catering to His every whim and singing the same phrase over and over again, do you know what an empty life that was? Working my arse off for Him, thinking, that this couldn't be all, that there had to be more than this servile existence?! I didn't need Lucifer's persuasion to want more! He merely understood, that I wanted to have a life of my own – that I wanted to be my own master, not the servant of a God, who called us His dear children, but treated us like slaves! To this day I would choose ruling in Hell over serving in Heaven any time!”

Raphael sighed sadly.

He wanted to tell zir, how blind ze was being, because there was no greater act of love and respect, than being allowed to stand in the Presence of the Lord, to bask in His Glory and light.

But he knew, it would fall on deaf ears. They'd been there before. There was no point in having that conversation again.

“So my love, appreciation and gratitude weren't enough?”, he asked instea, attempting not to cry and to keep his voice steady. “I'm sorry then. How could I ever believe I was enough-”

Before he could continue, Asmodeus put a finger on his mouth.

“Raphael, if you apologise to me one more time, I will rip your tongue out. Your apology comes a few aeons too late and I do _not_ want to hear it. And you yourself brought it up before; Yehudiel loved you and would have plucked the stars from the sky dome, her own included, just for you. But I couldn't give up my own wants and you didn't see it the way I did. So I put my freedom first.”

“Your _pride_.”

“Whatever. We faced off each other in battle and I fell. Falling isn't pretty, Raphael, and neither was what came after. Still I found a small comfort in the memory of you and the belief that your heart was mine, no matter what. But then I met you again … and you had no idea, who I was.”

A wave of anger emanated from zir like an arctic blast and made Raphael shudder.

“I must admit, that was quite a bitter blow for me. You only know me as Asmodeus. Of Yehudiel you only remembered bits and pieces, up until now. Or was there anything else, aside from my old name and my medallion, that you _didn't_ forget?”

“That I loved you”, Raphael replied softly. “And that I gave you a locket of my own.”

“That's all? I'm offended! I would have thought that I'm more memorable than that!”

The, without so much as a warning, ze seized his wrist, holding it in a vice-like grip. In response to the unholy fire beneath zir skin, his own wrist automatically began to emit holy light as a defence mechanism, burning the palm of the demon's hand.

But Asmodeus didn't seem to care.

“One day, my dear arch-enemy …”, ze purred, “… I will succeed in making you fall. And you will seek me and come to me willingly.”

The Archangel gritted his teeth: “I will _never_ be willing, Asmodeus.”

In response the Prince of Hell cackled: “Oh, we'll see about that, my dearly detested!”

By now zir hand was sizzling and smoking.

“Let go of my wrist. You're hurting yourself.”

And him too, not that the demon would give a damn.

“This is nothing”, ze shrugged it off. “I have been through worse – far, _far_ worse. But it's cute of you to worry, my beloved nemesis.”

“Stop calling me these things.”

Asmodeus tilted zir head in fake innocence. “Why, what _ever_ do you mean, my darling foe?”

“Those pet names. Do not call me things like 'beloved' or 'darling', when all you feel for me is hatred. You don't love me. Until now, I thought it was just a quirk of yours, but now that I know why you address me like this …”

“You _are_ my favourite Angel, though”, the Archdemon smiled. “You always were, you always will be. My beloved nemesis, my loathed love.”

.

Asmodeus was sure, that ze had never seen the Archangel make a face as stupid as right now.

“Is … is that a still-love confession?!”, Raphael asked incredulously.

“Not at all, you stupid, silly, little Archangel!”, ze laughed. “It's just a kind reminder, that you belong to me, whether you like it or not. I loved you six thousand years ago. But Yehudiel is no more and neither are her feelings for you. I have cut the ties and moved on.”

“I know that now, and it's good, that you have. You and Lilith, you two really deserve each other. And I suppose I should thank you for telling me the truth. Even if you waited _six thousand_ years to do so.”

“Oh, you're welcome, my fondly loathed!”

“Just tell me one more thing: what have you done with _my_ medallion?”

Ohh, perfect time to be a smooth bastard!

With a grin, ze miracled something into zir free hand. “You mean _this_ one?”

The look on the Archangel's face was priceless. He sure was making a lot of stupid faces today.

“I wasn't sure about what to do with it”, ze continued, “Destroy it, throw it into Abbadon's pit or the sea, sell it to Mammon … I've considered it all. But I just couldn't make up my mind, so I kept it as a memento instead.”

.

Raphael proceeded to stare at the medallion for a few more seconds, before carefully taking it and examining it. It was preserved perfectly: a plain silver brooch with his symbol engraved on the outside. When he opened it, he was even more startled to find, that the miniature portrait of him and the mint green curl from his hair were still there. Only the silver necklace had been replaced by a bejewelled golden one; the Prince of Lust was just too extravagant to be satisfied with a simple silver chain.

He couldn't help but smile stupidly. “I surprised you still have it after all this time.”

“Hey! Those were _my_ words!”, Asmodeus protested. “Shame on you, my dearly detested! This is copyright infringement!”

Raphael would have laughed, except there still was a "little" problem:

“Asmodeus, for the last time, _please_ let go of my hand. You're hurting us both.”

Now that he had returned zir attention back to it, ze finally flinched and let go with a hiss.

With a pained grimace ze regarded zir charred hand, while Raphael examined his own wrist, where the demon had grabbed him. It looked really nasty and worse, because it was a demonic wound, he couldn't heal it.

“Restore my hand and I will heal that wound of yours”, Asmodeus offered.

“Deal”, the Archangel agreed and took a look at the hand.

His holy essence had burned the shell away almost completely and some of the Hellfire leaked through. The Archangel ignored the sting of the demonic fire, restored the half melted hand and got his own wrist fixed in return.

“Now that this is settled”, the Prince of Hell spoke up again, “I too have an important question for you.”

“If I can answer it”, Raphael consented.

“Now, that you know, who I was, are your feelings towards me changed in any way?”

That was a actually quite a good question. One the Archdemon obviously was anxious to know the answer to.

The Healing Archangel considered carefully, before shaking his head. “Nope. I still hate you.”

“Good. I would be quite offended, if you suddenly started getting clingy, because you see me for something I'm not.”

He smiled sadly: “No, I could never do that. You _aren't_ her. You're Asmodeus, Prince of Lust, King of Demons, one of Lucifer's trusted advisors, etc.. You're not the person I loved, but the person I hate. Yehudiel was warm and good, you're cold and vicious. I could never look at you and see Yehudiel instead of Asmodeus.”

The demon returned his smile, although zirs was oddly serene. “Excellent, little Archangel. That's exactly the answer I wanted to hear.”

“But if I may be frank with you; you still have some of her traits and I'll probably notice more in the future.”

“… Alright, that's _not_ what I wanted to hear.”

Raphael shrugged. He was just telling zir the truth. He had held on to a shadowy memory for far too long. He finally knew everything and it was time to let go of the ghosts of the past.

“Anyway”, Asmodeus went on, “I think we should return to our disguises and fix up the mess we made of this landscape. In the end someone will come along and question what a frozen forest and a whole mountain are suddenly doing in the supposedly hottest place on earth.”

Raphael blinked and looked around.

The Archdemon was right; they really had made quite a mess here.

“Right”, he mumbled and forced his true form back into its miniscule human shell, as his enemy did the same.

A few seconds later, he was a small brunet again and Asmodeus was the beautiful blonde ze had been before.

Then they removed the ice, the plant life and the mountains, leaving the place the scorching, barren plain it had been before.

Still there was one more thing left to do.

“Look, I know that I have been asking quite a lot of favours of you lately …”

“You certainly have. And I haven't even called them in yet.”

“But can I ask _one_ more thing of you? I promise, it's nothing major.”

Asmodeus arched an eyebrow. “That depends. What is it that you want?”

“Can I have some closure, please?”

The Archdemon needed a second to understand, what he meant.

Then ze chuckled and opened zir arms. “Well, if you ask me so politely, how could I possible refuse?”

He embraced his former-fiancée-turned-enemy tightly and imagined – just for a moment – that he was talking to her, to Yehudiel, for one last time.

With that, he finally whispered the sentence, that had waited six thousand years to be spoken.

“Farewell, Yehudiel.”

For the split of a second the other tensed up.

Then ze heaved a sigh, returned the hug and replied oh-so-softly: “Farewell, my sweetheart.”

Raphael bit back his tears, let go and gave the demon zir personal space back.

“Thank you for humouring me”, he said politely.

Asmodeus smirked: “I'm a demon, Raphael. It's my job to let – or _make_ – others indulge in their wants. Besides, you did kiss me earlier. I consider that payment.” Ze snickered and zir turquoise eyes twinkled gaily⁸. “You actually managed to take me by surprise! An Archangel kissing a Prince of Hell in the heat of the moment! Oh, I would _love_ to see you explain that to the Almighty – or your siblings! I bet Uriel would get a seizure!”

Oh crap, ze was right! He actually had-! He had kissed a demon! Out of his own volition, he had-!

Ah, fuck it.

The deed was done, now all he could do was beg the Almighty's forgiveness and atone for his sin, until he would be forgiven.

Raphael sighed: “Well, I guess I'll have time enough to come up with an appropriate apology to them, because I won't be returning to Heaven anytime soon. And no, I _won't_ tell you, what the matter is. I already told you earlier, it's none of your business.”

Asmodeus pouted: “Aww. You're no fun, my dearly detested!”

“Shut up”, he muttered. “Let's go back to London. I don't see, why we should stay here any longer.”

The Prince of Hell chuckled: “Considering it's already evening, that's quite a good point!”

.

They teleported back to London, where it was still mid-afternoon.

The weather had changed from sunny to rainy – it was England, after all.

Quickly Asmodeus transformed zir cane into an umbrella and allowed Raphael to stand under it.

He thanked zir awkwardly and ze just snickered in response.

“By the by, Asmodeus …”

That piqued zir curiosity. “Yes?”

“I'm sorry for kissing you and invading your personal space without your permission earlier.”

The Archangel was blushing from ear to ear and Asmodeus almost laughed.

“Aww, you're just so adorable, when you're not flinging me into Hell, chaining me to the bottom of the sea or breaking my spine!”, ze cooed and he huffed. “It's so cute of you to care about my personal space, even though I never cared about yours! But I accept your apology, little Archangel. You were in shock, after all. People do the weirdest things, when they're in shock – and more often than not, they don't even realise, what they're doing.”

And both entities would know; shock was something both were familiar with - there were over 6000 years old, after all.

However, now that Asmodeus was looking at the younger being, ze noticed, that he was still pretty much out of it. Even though the conversation that followed zir revelation had been more or less civil and reasonable, ze could tell, that in this state it would be unwise to leave him to his own devices.

And there was something else, which was bothering the demon.

“Oh, Raphael, I just remembered something: when we met earlier and you noticed my condition, you too seemed to be mighty low in spirits. Is there a reason for that?”

He shrugged, obviously trying to appear more nonchalant than he was. “Eh, just a normal night shift at my pharmacy in the US.”

“Shot in the dark: did the prices for the medication make you upset?”

"... You've heard about that from Mammon, haven't you?"

"Yes. They just won't shut up about it."

Mammon had been boasting quite a lot lately, about having driven the prices for healthcare and medicine in the US to astronomical heights.

Raphael heaved a sad sigh – it was all the confirmation the Prince needed.

He looked so miserable, ze couldn't help but pity him.

“How about I walk you to your pharmacy, hm?”, ze offered.

He sighed: “Considering all the shit, which has happened and what I found out today, I don't think I'll be able to focus on my work today.”

Asmodeus nodded. Ze was just sympathetic enough to understand that.

“I'll walk you home then”, ze just decided over his head. “It seems you need a day off. And don't fret about your customers; I do believe that today no one will need your free medicine.”

This particular demonic miracle would need justification, but that was nothing the silver-tongued Prince couldn't handle.

Raphael blinked at zir. “Wow … thank you. That's actually …”

“If you're about to say 'kind', 'considerate' or anything into that direction, I'll take it back, rip your tongue out and make sure, that the red light district will have the most profitable year in two centuries!”, ze threatened.

The corner of the Archangel's mouth twitched upwards for the split of a second. “Of course. Wouldn't dream of offending you like that.”

Ze smiled amiably and ruffled his brown curls.

“There's a good Archangel”, ze teased and in return received a half-hearted glare.

“You're an arsehole, Asmodeus. A hypersexual, narcissistic arsehole.”

The Prince of Lust cackled: “Now, _that's_ the kind of compliment I like to hear!”

“Well, it's true!”, Raphael huffed.

“And _you_ are an uptight, overly emotional, silly little Archangel!”, Asmodeus retorted.

They proceeded to bicker for the entire way to Raphael's flat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I'm not making this up! A month's supply of insulin for T1DM patients actually DOES cost up to 700$ in the US! Walmart does sell Novolin ReliOn for 25$ per ampulla, but it's a very old human insulin, that isn't fit for many diabetes patients.  
> 2) In the Book of Tobit, Asmodeus is driven away by the scent of a fish's heart and liver being burned. In the Testament of Solomon, ze reveals to Solomon, that ze's driven away by burning the gall and liver of a sheatfish (Silurus glanis, a large catfish). Suffice to say, that by all accounts Asmodeus canonically hates fish.  
> 3) Dasht-e Lut ("Empty Plain"), a large salt desert in Iran, is one of the (if not THE) hottest places on Earth. 2017, a scientific expedition measured a ground temperature of 78,2°C (=172,76°F)  
> 4) Asmodeus is thought to be derived from the Persion demon (daeva) Aeshma ("wrath, fury", i.e. Aeshma-daeva = "Demon/Spirit of Wrath"). Asmodeus is often described as having 3 heads (human, ram and bull), the legs and feet of a rooster, a snake tail, the human face spits fire and also Asmodeus rides a lion with a dragon neck and wings, because why not.  
> 5) In my version Asmodeus is a former Seraph. Seraph means both "Burning One" and "Serpent". Thence, Seraphim are depicted either as six-winged humanoid beings on fire, or as fiery flying serpents. I went for a bit of a combo in my Seraph design.  
> 6) In the Eastern and Orthodox Churches, Yehudiel ("Praise of God") is venerated as the Archangel of hard work, leadership and the glorification of God. Yehudiel (aka Jehudiel or Jegudiel) is depicted holding a crown (as symbol of merit) and a three-thonged whip (to punish). As for the association with the Polaris, I made that one up.  
> As for Raphael, he's sometimes classified as an Archangel of the Virtues (although in some Jewish angelic hierarchies, he's named as an Archangel of the Ophanim, beside Ophaniel).  
> 7) Hêlêl = Lucifer; Sariel = Beelzebub; Arsu = Astaroth.  
> Hêlêl ("Shining/Radiant/Brilliant") was a semitic god of the morning star with a similar story to Lucifer. His name and legend are used in Isaiah to refer to the king of Babylon.  
> Sariel ("Prince of God") is, depending on the sources, either a fallen Watcher, guide to Enoch in Heaven, or a high-ranking angel, who hasn't fallen.  
> Arsu is a West Semitic deity of the evening star with a protective aspect, who is the twin brother of Azizu, the god of the morning star. I thought it was convenient, since Lucifer is often considered to be the former morning star, and Astaroth is based on the Phoenician goddess Astarte (=Ishtar/Inanna), goddess of sex, love, fertility, war and the planet Venus (as the vening star) and in my version Lucifer and Astaroth are twins.  
> 8) gay as in merry or cheerful, just to clear that up.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) I'm not making this up! A month's supply of insulin for T1DM patients actually DOES cost up to 700$ in the US! Walmart does sell Novolin ReliOn for 25$ per ampulla, but it's a very old human insulin, that isn't fit for many diabetes patients.  
> 2) In the Book of Tobit, Asmodeus is driven away by the scent of a fish's heart and liver being burned. In the Testament of Solomon, ze reveals to Solomon, that ze's driven away by burning the gall and liver of a sheatfish (Silurus glanis, a large catfish). Suffice to say, that by all accounts Asmodeus canonically hates fish.  
> 3) Dasht-e Lut ("Empty Plain"), a large salt desert in Iran, is one of the (if not THE) hottest places on Earth. 2017, a scientific expedition measured a ground temperature of 78,2°C (=172,76°F)  
> 4) Asmodeus is thought to be derived from the Persion demon (daeva) Aeshma ("wrath, fury", i.e. Aeshma-daeva = "Demon/Spirit of Wrath"). Asmodeus is often described as having 3 heads (human, ram and bull), the legs and feet of a rooster, a snake tail, the human face spits fire and also Asmodeus rides a lion with a dragon neck and wings, because why not.  
> 5) In my version Asmodeus is a former Seraph. Seraph means both "Burning One" and "Serpent". Thence, Seraphim are depicted either as six-winged humanoid beings on fire, or as fiery flying serpents. I went for a bit of a combo in my Seraph design.  
> 6) In the Eastern and Orthodox Churches, Yehudiel ("Praise of God") is venerated as the Archangel of hard work, leadership and the glorification of God. Yehudiel (aka Jehudiel or Jegudiel) is depicted holding a crown (as symbol of merit) and a three-thonged whip (to punish). As for the association with the Polaris, I made that one up.  
> As for Raphael, he's sometimes classified as an Archangel of the Virtues (although in some Jewish angelic hierarchies, he's named as an Archangel of the Ophanim, beside Ophaniel).  
> 7) Hêlêl = Lucifer; Ramiel = Beelzebub; Arsu = Astaroth.  
> Hêlêl ("Shining/Radiant/Brilliant") was a semitic god of the morning star with a similar story to Lucifer. His name and legend are used in Isaiah to refer to the king of Babylon.  
> Ramiel ("Thunder of God") is, depending on the sources, either a fallen Watcher or an Archangel.  
> Arsu is a West Semitic deity of the evening star with a protective aspect, who is the twin brother of Azizu, the god of the morning star. I thought it was convenient, since Lucifer is often considered to be the former morning star, and Astaroth is based on the Phoenician goddess Astarte (=Ishtar/Inanna), goddess of sex, love, fertility, war and the planet Venus (as the vening star) and in my version Lucifer and Astaroth are twins.  
> 8) gay as in merry or cheerful, just to clear that up.


End file.
